![]() When we are stressed, the body releases stress hormones such as cortisol. To fully understand why victims are trapped within trauma bonding, we have to examine how the brain and body react during the initial stages of attachments. It is a particular favourite of the narcissist because it affords them such a high level of control over their victim. Trauma bonding is an ideal tool in the manipulator or predator’s armoury. When an abuser/controller shows the victim some small kindness, even though it is to the abusers benefit as well, the victim interprets that small kindness as a positive trait of the captor.”ĭr Carver – author – Love and Stockholm Syndrome Why Narcissists Use Trauma Bonding ![]() “In threatening and survival situations, we look for evidence of hope – a small sign that the situation may improve. Despite the overwhelming cruel and sadistic behaviour of the abuser, we exaggerate this kindness out of proportion. We become hooked to this ‘ small kindness perception’. In intermittent reinforcement, the abuser is cruel and callous and then randomly doles out affection or kindness. Trauma bonding occurs when two people experience heightened, intense, risky, and fearful situations together. We seek out partners who display similar characteristics to previous partners. These patterns of behaviour become entrenched into our psyche. Our immediate concern is surviving at that moment.Īs a result, we learn what works to survive at the moment and what doesn’t. We don’t think about the future or long-term consequences. ![]() All logic and reason go out of the window. Now, when we talk about survival, it’s important to know we activate the primitive part of our brain. These attachments are essential to our survival. Perhaps it will make more sense to know that humans have a primal urge to form attachments with others, whether these attachments are loving or abusive. If you have never experienced this kind of intermittent reinforcement, either as a child or an adult, it is difficult to understand trauma bonding. Yet, we still crave love and attention from the person abusing us. Abusive relationships become normalised for us. ![]() They set the template in our minds for what healthy and normal relationships are.īut say our early interactions and needs meet with abuse or violence, which intersperse with random acts of affection? We begin to associate love with abuse. These positive interactions with those closest to us allow us to grow in confidence and boost our self-esteem. When we are born, fulfilling our needs quickly, experiencing comfort, positive attention, and unconditional love allows us to form healthy attachments. To form healthy relationships when we are older, our early attachments with primary caregivers must be positive. ![]()
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